


La Petite Merde Blonde

by lordjenjen



Series: DEMON CRAIG [3]
Category: South Park
Genre: It's suppose to be adorable, M/M, This revolves around Cr'aigta'ckzir and Kenny, idk if it worked, in a 100 percent non romantic way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-02-06 00:42:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12805860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lordjenjen/pseuds/lordjenjen
Summary: Kenny latches himself to Cr'aigta'ckzir and forces the demon into a friendship.





	1. Chapter 1

La Petite Merde Blonde

***

It wasn't uncommon to see a child in hell. Cr’aigta'ckzir always felt a little bad for them. They weren't old enough to understand why they had been sent to a place full of pain and despair. He didn't make the rules for sorting out souls, that was the job of another. 

But hell had pretty strict rules about who could be tortured and who couldn't. Children were strictly no. They even had their own place where they were kept and taken care of if they had no family that could care for them or until their family was found. So seeing a toddler running down a street didn't surprise Cr’aigta'ckzir.

Seeing a toddler bundled up in an orange parka latch onto his leg, however, did. He knew he was scary looking to humans, yet this was happening to him. The blue eyes looked up at him, fear behind them but not directed towards him.

“Kenny!” They both turned towards the demon yelling.

The child hid behind the demon’s leg, as if sticking his face into his skin would help hide him. Cr’aigta'ckzir watched as the demon ran past, yelling for the boy. Once safely out if sight, the little boy let go.

“Sank oo!” A tiny muffled voice called.

Cr’aigta'ckzir watched the orange clad child run in the opposite direction and  _ disappear. _ The demon stared at the spot the child had been in and rubbed his eyes. The boy had definitely vanished. He decided it was not his business and continued on his way.

***

Cr’aigta'ckzir watched a familiar orange clad child run towards him. The boy’s eyes seemed to light up when he saw the demon. He quickly hid behind him and waited for the demon hollering for him to run past. When the boy didn’t run away or vanish, Cr’aigta'ckzir continued about his day. The young boy followed him, running keep up. When he fell too far behind, he stopped and began to cry.

Cr’aigta'ckzir turned to the crying boy on the ground. He wasn’t responsible for the child. He should just call over one of the nursery wards and get them to take him back. The demon crouched down in front of the child. The boy stopped crying and stuck his arms out. The gester confused the demon farther. What child wanted to be picked up by him? Still he complied. He would just drop the boy off at the nursery. 

He picked the boy up, careful not to squeeze him, prepared to carry him in his clawed hand. The boy started crying again. Cr’aigta'ckzir tried to recall how humans carried their young. He vaguely remembered seeing a villager a few hundred years ago carry his child on his shoulders. It wasn’t very threatening, but still the demon placed the small child on shoulder. The poor thing was so tiny, his hands barely reached his horn to hold onto.

“Cookie?” The boy asked, voice muffled by his coat.

“Don’t have any.” The demon answered honestly. He didn’t need to eat so it’s not like he just carried human food in case this exact thing happened.

“Fuck!” The boy yelled.

Cr’aigta'ckzir couldn’t help but smile and the use of such a word from such a small person.

“There you are, Kenny!” Before Cr’aigta'ckzir stood one the the nursery wards. “Thank you for finding him.”

The ward reached for the boy. They had barely moved an inch when the boy started screaming into the demon’s ear. Cr’aigta'ckzir barely flinched. But as soon as the screaming started it stopped and a tiny weight was off his shoulder. 

“What the hell?” the demon voiced.

“Oh, Kenny. He’s a special case. Never fear, he’ll be back. Poor boy.” With that the ward left a the confused demon standing in the street.

***

He shouldn’t have been surprised when a familiar looking boy managed to find him. He’d aged a year, his orange hood had fallen off as he was running, revealing the dirty blonde locks. Still the four year old seemed to have found what he was looking for. He spotted Cr’aigta'ckzir and ran towards him, hugging his leg. The demon was a little confused on how he aged. If you died at 3, you stayed 3 forever.

“Hide me ‘for they find me.”

“Why?”

Cr’aigta'ckzir would never admit it to anyone who ever asked, but he had some weak spots with humans, and this child was hitting them all at the moment.

“‘Cause they scary.”

Cr’aigta'ckzir waited for the ward to run by before he picked up the human child and set him on his shoulder. “They are just there to protect you from getting squished.”

“So? They still scary. And mean.” The boy pulled his hood back on and tightened the hood almost as if he was trying to hide. 

“And I’m not?” Cr’aigta'ckzir was baffled on how this child found the wards scary and not him.

“No. You pretty and nice.” The boy pouted a little. “They don’t like me ‘cause I leave.”

“Well, maybe you should stop running away from there.”

“Not that leave. I go back home. To mommy and daddy and Kevin.”

“Is that why you seem to just disappear?”

“I guess. What’s your name? I’m Kenny.”

“Cr’aigta'ckzir.” The demon supplied and continued with his business. There was no point in letting the small human distract him from his day.

“Cra’igtak’zew? That’s long name. Do you ever get tired of saying the whole thing?”

“It’s Cr’aigta'ckzir. And no. I like my name.”

“Can I call you Cray?”

“No. You can call me Cr’aigta'ckzir.”

“You’re an asshole.”

The demon smiled slightly. “I can always take you back to the nursery you know.”

“That would make you a bigger asshole. You know who else is an asshole? Cartman. He-he broke my only car toy and then won’t let me play with his.”

Cr’aigta'ckzir hummed which only gave the little guy encouragement to talk more. He didn’t mind the constant chatter from the child. It was almost cute, like he wasn’t allowed to normally talk. However some of the things he said tugged on the demon’s emotions. But, just like every other time, the boy vanished without warning. This time the demon knew he would come back. He would always come back.

***

Cr’aigta'ckzir wasn’t entirely surprised to find a six year old Kenny sitting in his house eating a bag of chips. He would deny ever thinking the blond looked adorable without his hood, grinning like a fool, and missing a tooth. After all, he hated everyone. 

“How?” The demon asked. He had never shown the boy where he lived. He had always just walked around with him until he disappeared. 

A shit eating grin spread across his face. “I asked a few demons where you lived until one laughed at me and gave me the general area, then I spotted you and followed you! I must be a good detective if you didn’t notice me.”

“I saw you. I just thought you went home before you could attack me.”

“NOPE! Still here!” Kenny had told him he stays dead for different lengths of time. This time was turning into a longer stint. “You want some?”

“No.”

“More for me! Dude! Last time I died, I went to heaven. You know angels can be real assholes.”

Cr’aigta'ckzir’s mouth turned up into a little smile. “Yeah they can be. Self righteous bastards.”

“YEAH! Bastards!” The young boy was silent for a moment. “Sometimes when I die but aren’t dead yet, I hear my friends. Stan is always like “Oh my god, you killed Kenny!” and Kyle is like, “You bastard!” but I never see them get revenge for my death. Do you think they do?”

“Do  _ you _ think they do?” Cr’aigta'ckzir’s wasn't about to give the boy hope, but he wasn't about to tear it down either. 

Kenny was quiet for a moment as he thought it over. “I like to believe they do. Even though they can be jerks, they are my best friends ”

“Well, no one is stopping you from believing they seek revenge.”

A wide grin spread across the boy’s face as he returned to shoveling chips into his mouth and telling the demon about his time in heaven.

***

“Cr’aigta'ckzir! I need to know how to talk to the living from beyond the grave!”

“Kenny, look-”

“I just need to talk to a friend. I have to warn them!” 

Cr’aigta'ckzir’s was silent for a moment. He knew what was happening. He hated what Satan was doing with the place and he had a feeling it had everything to do with his new boyfriend. And Kenny was obviously in a panic.

“Would be nice to see the higher ups fail. Don't tell anyone I did this for you.”

“God I hope I don't have to talk to Cartman,” Kenny said as Cr’aigta'ckzir’s performed his magic.

The demon sighed. “You don't talk or even think things like that when someone is performing magic. Your thoughts and wishes are put into it. Unfortunately for you, first person to come to mind is who you're talking to. So congratulations, it's Cartman.”

“Hey, magic disclaimer next time!” Kenny yelled as he ran out of Cr’aigta'ckzir’s house.

“Going to give you more than a disclaimer when you get back.”

***

Cr’aigta'ckzir could feel the gloom around Kenny. The poor 9 year old boy had died and hadn’t been his usual self since he arrived at the demon's house. The demon was ready to just let Kenny do his thing while he stayed a few hours or days in his home, but it had been a few weeks. He was not prepared to handle a depressed child.

“Okay, you haven’t said a thing since you got here. What’s wrong?”

“My friends are assholes.”

“We already knew that.”

Kenny sighed. “No. I mean, yeah Cartman was his usual asshole self, using me dying to get aborted fetuses so he could build a second Shakey’s Pizza. But…” 

When asked, Cr’aigta'ckzir would deny his involvement in comforting the boy, but still he sat next to him on the floor and carefully ran his clawed hand through the blond locks. Tears began to flow from the child. Kenny sat up, crawled into the demon’s lap and hugged him before he let loose.

“S-Stan! He never c-c-came! I was dying and I just wa-wanted my two best friends! He-he doesn’t care a-a-about m-m-meeeeee!”

Cr’aigta'ckzir wasn’t really sure what to do. He awkwardly hugged the boy and rubbed his back as he sobbed into his chest. The demon knew he was going to have to clean snot and tears off his chest. Under different circumstances, the demon would have been delighted buy such sorrow. But Kenny was just a child. He wasn’t as cold hearted as he let people believe. Children were innocent. Adults were different.

“I don’t think that’s true.” Cr’aigta'ckzir stated after Kenny’s crying turned into soft hiccups.

“Then, why didn’t he visit me? I was dying in the hospital for like a week. He-he never came to see me. Kyle did. He was there a lot.”

Cr’aigta'ckzir hummed, still rubbing the boy’s back. “Humans have different reactions to bad news. You have pretty much every type there is in your life. Cartman took advantage of a bad situation. Kyle wanted to spend what time you had left with you. And Stan, he was either in denial or just shut down. Some humans just can’t handle bad news. It wasn’t that he hated your or doesn’t care about you. He just didn’t know what to do.”

Kenny sat up and wiped his nose on his sleeve. “He still should have shown up.”

“Yes. He should have. And when you go home, you can kick his ass for it.”

“More like if.”

“If?” 

“I’ve never been dead for this long. It’s been like three weeks. What if I’m dead for good this time?”

“Is that really a bad thing?” Cr’aigta'ckzir asked. The boy had been dead off and on again. He knew what living, heaven, hell and even the ethrel plain were like. The boy had even confined in the demon that his place in hell was one of his favorite places. Staying in hell didn't seem that bad to Cr’aigta'ckzir.

“Kinda. I don’t want to leave Karen alone. Who would take care of her?”

“Your parents?”

Kenny just snorted and crawled out of the demons lap and went back to laying on the floor. “Yeah, we can see how well of a job they are doing. Maybe without me around, she can eat more.”

Cr’aigta'ckzir was harshly reminded of Kenny’s life. The boy had told him over the years everything about himself. He wasn’t surprised that society was treating their poor so terribly. It was nothing new for humans. He just hoped Kenny would someday come out on top.

***

“What the hell are you doing here again? This is like the fifth time in a week.” Cr’aigta'ckzir wasn’t actually mad at Kenny, the blonde had known him long enough to know this. He was, however, concerned. 

The blonde just smirked. “Well,  _ dad _ , I have taken up being a superhero. I figured since I’m fucking immortal, I should use it for good.”

“You’re a self sacrificing little shit, is all.”

“I knew you would approve. You're going to enjoy the more frequent visits again.”

***

“He just… He pisses me off so much! Someone needs to teach him a lesson! But it’s seriously im-fucking-possible!” 

Cr’aigta'ckzir wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Kenny this mad before. Granted, the poor 13 year old had actually died at the hands of this Cartman kid again. He had asked once why he even hung out with him, but Kenny just shrugged.

“Well, you could summon a demon to make his life a living hell.”

“And pay the price. No thank you. Fucking already owe my life to Cthulhu thanks to my parents.”

“That would be a problem.”

“However if you ever make your way to earth, you should totally do your demon thing,” Kenny chuckled as wiggled his fingers and made some weird sounds, trying to be spooky.

“Well, there is one thing you could do.” The demon smirked evilly. “But you may not like it so much. It will take quite a bit of work. And if you die you may need to start over.” 

“I could get Stan and Kyle's help. Kyle would love to torment Cartman.” 

“Maybe. It takes a little bit of magical essence. You have some. I don't know if either of them do.”

“Will it cause the fat fuck to suffer for a few days?” Cr’aigta'ckzir gestured upwards like he’d seen Kenny do a few times. “Weeks?” When the demon didn’t say anything, Kenny smiled. “Months!? Dude! I’m in!”

Cr’aigta'ckzir began to give Kenny instructions on how to make what humans use to call a potion that would give the victim at least a month of intense cramps comparable only to childbirth.

***

“Are you feeling okay? You seem a little weird.”

“Yeah just getting kind of bored.”

“So what happens when you get really bored?”

Cr’aigta'ckzir thought about Kenny's question. He didn't have to answer the kid… well teen now. He thought about asking Kenny to summon him to earth for a few days. He'd kill Cartman for the boy if he asked, he just needed to see his creations again. The small animals and the stars, really just all of it.

But he would never put that kind of burden on the teen. He already had so much to deal with. 

“I actually accept a summon and visit earth for a few days, never really complete what I was summoned for, or at least do it to my own satisfaction, then come back. Maybe cause a little bit of chaos.”

Kenny let out one of his quiet laughs. “You should come to my town. Maybe teach Butters a thing or two about causing chaos. He's blonde so, you'll like him.”

“Why do you think him being blonde has anything to do with how I'll feel about him?”

“Well, I'm blonde and you like me. I think you have a thing for us.”

“You're just a little shit that latched onto me. Has nothing to do with your hair.”

“A little  _ blonde  _ shit. Whom you show more affection for than anyone else in all of hell. Don't worry. I won't tell anyone because then I'd lose the coolest demon in all the realm.”

***

Cr’aigta'ckzir would never admit it to anyone, but he saw Kenny McCormick as his little human. He was a little shit but he was his little shit. So when he found Kenny backed into a corner down a side street, he went into action. He gave no warning to the unfortunate soul closest to him, instead grabbing him by the back of the neck and slammed his face into the wall, letting his claws dig into the flesh. It was all the opening Kenny needed. The teen kicked out, tripping the second attacker into the third. Without moving far off the ground, he jumped on one if the guys and began punching his face.

It was a good thing you don't get into trouble for killing someone in hell.

“He's dead, Kenny.”

“I know. Just fuck this guy. Fuck that guy too.” Kenny looked up at the demon, lip swollen and bleeding, shoe print on his cheek, the start of a black eye. “I told him I could kick his ass 1v1.”

“Why are you getting into 3v1 back alley fights anyways?”

Kenny stood up and kicked his friend in the face. “Fucking payback. These assholes think they are strong. Preying on the weak and shit. Tried raping a woman.”

“And of course, you can't just not let your heroism take over.”

“Duh. And if I died I would have come back and kicked their asses individually.”

Cr’aigta'ckzir just hummed as he dug his claws into his victim's neck. “Might as well take these assholes to someone who enjoys torturing guys like this. I'll grab the dead guy, care to escort the coward? And where we are going, don't look anyone in the eye.”

***

“I have a weird question.” Kenny stated, looking directly at the demon. “How do demons have sex?”

He shouldn't have been surprised, after all, this was Kenny. The boy had died at 9 from a blow job. He'd been the one to give Kenny a sex talk at the age of 5 because he wanted to know where baby's came from and then just kept asking questions. Still the question caught Cr’aigta'ckzir off guard.

“Well you see, when two demons love each other very much-”

“Very funny. I mean you don't wear pants or anything so... Where's the dick? Where's the vagina? Do you guys have tentacles or lay eggs? Why are there never any baby demons running around? Can you guys even reproduce? Is it asexual reproducing? Do you even experience sexual desires? I heard of  Gaz'gar and I know she does at least for humans, but is that common or uncommon? Like I have questions.”

This did not go the way Cr’aigta'ckzir had originally thought Kenny was going. He wouldn't doubt if the boy was still going to use it for some kind of internet fetish porn. 

“Pants are annoying and useless. We have sex parts, we do not lay eggs or have tentacles, granted for some kinky humans, a demon might do such things. Our dicks and vaginas are right where you think they would be. We are, what did you call Stan? A grower not a show-er. But far more extreme than what you described. You don't see any children because the last time a demon decided they wanted to reproduce was like three centuries ago, they were trying to build their own army and Satan was having none of that. Now if you want to have a child-”

“Little Demon Spawn Babies!” Kenny laughed.

“Yes. Now though, you have to go to Satan and apparently he's an ass about it. Which ends us with yes demons experience sexual desires, not just Gaz and not just with humans.”

“GAZ!? Did you just use a ni-”

Cr’aigta'ckzir turned to see Kenny had disappeared. He hoped the boy would forget what they were talking about next time he showed up.

***

Cr’aigta'ckzir was bored. He was really bored. Kenny hadn't been around in quite a while. The demon didn't really realize how accustomed to Kenny's presents he'd become. The teen had various levels of of energy from super talkative to relaxing car levels of energy. And despite how indifferent the demon was to the company, he kind of enjoyed it. 

He knew it was mean but he really hoped the teen died and came to hell soon. The alternative was getting a summon.

Cr’aigta'ckzir felt that familiar tug in his gut and smiled. Summon it was. Time to bring havoc to some poor unsuspecting soul.

***

Craig sat on Tweek's floor, playing with Stripe as his boyfriend did his homework. Craig wasn't really worried about school. He could pass any exam that came his way and fudge the grades if someone tried to fail him. But his mind was elsewhere. There was just this one thing that had bothered Craig since those first few days at school. He wasn't really sure how to bring it up.

“Is something wrong?” 

His boyfriend's voice pulled him out if his thoughts. Now was the time to ask.

“Just thinking. This may seem odd but why is Kenny so quiet here?”

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean the Kenny McCormick I know from hell is super talkative. Not always but most of the time. But here, it's like he's just holding it all in.”

Tweek was silent for a few minutes. “Kenny has always been quiet. The most I've ever heard him talk is when you're around.”

Craig hummed. “I don't like it.” 

After that, Craig noticed Tweek hanging out with Kenny more and slowly the little shit started talking to him more.

***

“Okay, questions.” Kenny said enthusiastically. Craig was a little worried Tweek might hear something he may not like, but it was just one of those things they both would have to overcome. “When you fuck, do you-” Tweek spit his coffee out all over Kenny. “Gross, but this is important. Do you stay human or do you revert back to your demon form?”

Craig felt a little bad as Tweek went full body blush. He wasn't opposed to talking about sex. Kenny did all the time, but never had their sex life been brought up.

“Look this is important. What if because Cr’aigta'ckzir is here all the time, I end up finding a demon fuck buddy in hell because I'm all alone? I need to know these kinds of things.”

“Does it matter if I'm the one being fucked by Tweek?” Craig asked.  _ Just go with it, honey. He doesn't stop unless he's satisfied or comes back to life. _

_ He IS alive, Craig. _

_ Yes I know, that's the problem. And I'm not killing him. _

“Yeah it matters! Like am I going to need to lift a tail out of the way? Can I fuck them with their tail? Do you fuck yourself with your tail? Do demons have a prostate? Is lube needed? Can I knock up a Demon? These are important question.”

“Depends on the demon, you've seen them, you know how they can be. I do not fuck myself with my own tail, and before you ask, no I don't fuck Tweek with it either. We have something similar but human anatomy and demon are not like a straight conversion. Lube might be needed. And no, you can't knock up a demon without Satan's approval”

“Huh. Is there a place in hell I can study this stuff? Just curiosity at this point.”

“I know a demon that can lend you a few books when you're down there.”

“So… human or demon form?”

“... Both…” Tweek answered quietly. Craig couldn't help but be shocked his boyfriend answered.

***

“So what are you two doing after college?” Kenny asked. He had died from stress from working three jobs. Cr’aigta'ckzir was having none of that when he got back. 

“Well, Tweek had mentioned how much he missed just making coffee. So I'm going to persuade Mr and Mrs Tweek into selling their shop.”

“Will Tweek go for moving back to South Park? He kind of seemed happy to leave.”

“He was happy to get away, but he also likes the place, even if it's not the best town at times. Also you're going to work for us.”

“I already have-”

“No jobs because you died from overworking.” The demon did his best not to sound mad, but he knew he failed from the look on the blonde’s face. “Listen here you little shit. We are buying his parents cafe. You are being hired. You tell me what you need to make so you don't need to work another full time job.”

“I appreciate the offer but-”

“No butts Kenny. You tell me.”

“Fine! In order to pay my bills and help Karen out, I have to make $2700 a month.” Kenny was getting angry. It was strange to have it directed towards him. “After taxes so we are talking about $35 an hour. Think you can do that? Afford to pay that much for just one worker? Do you not get why I was working three jobs? Sleeping only 4 hours a day, usually in my car in the parking lot. Are you so-”

“Stop.” Angry tears were flowing from Kenny's face. “Yes I know. But you should have told me you were paying for Karen's college.”

“I don't want your handouts. I know how the demon's system works. Everything has a price.”

“First off, it wouldn't have been a handout. There are other ways. You think Tweek's parents were responsible enough to set aside money for college? No, I did some shady demon work and pretty much enrolled him in school. The school is paying themselves for his tuition. Second, have I ever charged you for my help?”

For the first time since he was 9, Cr’aigta'ckzir saw Kenny cry. The demon rubbed the blonde's back, hoping to help sooth him.

“Should name the coffee shop Demon Jizz.” 

Cr’aigta'ckzir rolled his eyes. He was glad Kenny could still be himself.

***

“Be my best man.” 

“What?” Kenny stared wide-eyed at the demon.

“You fucking heard me. Tweek and I are getting married. And you're the only other human I can tolerate.”

A wicked grin sprawled across Kenny's face. “Are you saying I'm your best friend?”

“No, that's still Tweek.”

“He's your fiance. Doesn't count.”

“You're more like a tumor I can't get rid of so I've just learned to deal with it.”

“That has to be the nicest thing you've ever told me. I love you too, Craig. Of course I'll be your best man.”

Craig narrowed his eyes at the blonde. “Little fucking shit.” But he was glad to have a friend like Kenny.

***

“I got you guys a present. I figured since you're immortal and I'm not, you need something to remember me by.” Kenny pulled out a blonde guinea pig dressing in a tiny poop emoji costume. Craig just gave Kenny a blank look while Tweek held back his laughter.

“It’s a little blonde shit.” Kenny explained.

“I got that, but Ken-”

The blonde out his finger against Craig's lips, silencing him. “Shhh… don't ruin the moment.”

“Thank you for the guinea pig.” Tweek said through his laughter. 

“You are immortal.” Craig finished when Kenny moved his finger. “Like you can't stay dead. Not even from old age. This is your curse.”

“What?”

“You. Are. Immortal.”

“I get that but how the fuck do I just keep aging then?”

“You can be reborn as an infant if you want. Relive all of life. Stay 10 forever. You can also stop aging. I thought you knew this. I thought this is why you're still 26. So you could keep your young body to do crime fighting.”

“I'm 42,  _ Cr’aigta'ckzir _ . Tweek is stuck for ever at 29, and you do as you please.”

“Kenny. Have I ever lied to you?” Craig could tell Kenny was not okay. He hated to tell his friend like this, but blunt about things is all the demon knew.

Kenny let out a huff of air. “It sounds wrong, but I was kind of looking forward to dying for good.”

“Now you have to look forward to eternity with us,” Tweek said, trying to lighten the mood.

Kenny chuckled sadly. “I can come back as a toddler and you guys can raise me like the son you never had.”

“Kenny, you're a great friend but, can-can you not? At least not for a few hundred years. I have to get use to being immortal before I take care of a child.”

Kenny tried to let out a laugh but it came out as a strange choked sob. “I should-”

Craig was surprised even himself as he pulled Kenny into a hug. He felt Kenny sob into his shirt and was reminded of the 9 year old upset over his friend not accepting his death. He felt a hand brush along his own and looked up to see Tweek hugging their friend from behind.

“Thanks.” The familiar muffled voice said. “And don't worry. I won't tell anyone. No one would believe me anyways.”

***

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little something I wrote after I finished this

Underwear  
***  
It wasn't the first time Kenny had died in an awkward situation. He showed up to his favorite demon’s place all the time in various states. He just had to pretend this was no different.   
“Whose underwear are you wearing?” Cr’aigta’ckzir asked.  
Kenny placed his hands in his hips. “What makes you think they aren't mine?”  
“Well they obviously don't fit-”  
“My dick can't be contained.”  
“-and they are asking me if I'm nasty.”  
“Well, are you?”  
“No.”  
“Then the message wasn't mentioned for you.”  
The corner of the demon's mouth lifted slightly. “Shot by a jealous husband?”  
Kenny sighed defeated. “Close. It was all an extreme Role-play on their part. They started having sex before I was even fully dead.”

**Author's Note:**

> Uh... Okay, that's it for this. Seriously. No more.  
> The bonus was based off [this writing prompt](http://writing-prompt-s.tumblr.com/post/167732915580/when-you-die-you-pass-into-the-after-life-wearing).  
> Thanks for reading! <3


End file.
